If you’re a writer, have you ever had that one story, novella, or novel that would only flow in fits and sputters? I have one of those. It’s my latest manuscript that I’m finishing up and preparing to mail off to my agent this month. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can only work on it in sections, then I have to walk away from it for a while.
Granted, this novel is very complex. RUBY is an erotic paranormal romance (Ruby is the name of my heroine and the first word in the novel’s title). It’s all told from my heroine’s POV (point of view), but she has so many personal issues to resolve due to her weird and very hard life, then there’s the romance and her unusual hero, plus things from her past come back to haunt her, and there’s the subplot of her friendship with a Marilyn Monroe look alike who’s not what she seems, and…pant-pant…the novel’s paranormal mystery to solve.
I have cussed this novel so much it’s pathetic. I’ve gone back and revised, revised, revised—six revisions thus far—up to these last three or four chapters that wrap up the novel.
Then I caught a minor flaw in a subplot and had to go back and rewrite sections or delete them.
However, I started writing this novel six years ago. Even then, it irked me to no end, and I finally put it away for a while. During that time span, I pulled it out of the “drawer” every now and then. Revised the old—I guess that means there’s been more than six revisions—added more chapters, then I put it away for months or a year or two during this six-year period.
What IS it about this novel that is so frustrating?
I’m really not sure.
My readers who dissect and blurb my work are waiting for the finished product, and my agent knows he’ll be receiving the manuscript soon, but Lord have mercy, why can’t I get the words to flow on this particular novel where they keep flowing until I type THE END? It’s not like I have half a novel to write. I’m down to the last three or four chapters.
Is it stress? No, not really. I have other WIPs (works in progress), but I don’t have this problem with any of them. It’s just my RUBY ms.
Is it lack of time? Hmm…partially, but only a small part. And lack of time translates more into constant life interruptions. The phone rings, teenagers arrive unannounced, the youngest is crying in the living room and no one knows why and only Mom can solve it, kids are sick with viruses and colds, and lately I’ve had to pick up my husband’s chores since he’s been laid up from a surgery. I’ve also had to stop taking on private editing clientele because I had so many manuscripts to edit.
Maybe I’m not in love with the novel? No, I am very much in love with the plot and characters, and I truly believe that this is a story that’s going to knock readers’ socks off.
Is it the fact I don’t have a comfortable place to write at the momen
t? Partly, yes. I’ve been unable to furnish heat for my camper office this winter, and, since I do 95% of my serious writing on my laptop, I don’t have a quiet place to go, nor a comfortable chair of some sort to sit in. For the last three months, I’ve been writing on the bed. Add to it the fact my sciatic nerve is screwed up and I can’t sit in certain chairs without making it flare up…yeah, that’s irks me to no end and puts me in a foul mood.
But what IS the key to why this novel is driving me insane and not flowing well?
I think I’m afraid of failure.
What, you say? Me? Afraid of failure?
Those of you who know me well understand this comment. But for those of you who don’t, it boils down to one thing. I’ve had the carrot dangled in front of my nose only to have it yanked away so many darn times it’s ridiculous. In my subconscious, I think I feel RUBY will be yet another one of those glowing rejection letters raving about my work with a ‘but’ added to the end.
However, as I’ve always said to my AWH puppies, I truly believe half the NYC publishing battle is determination. Don’t give up.
I have to chant that to myself.
Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up….but oh, how tempting it is at times!
Is it just me, or have any of you had a similar manuscript that gave or gives you fits? If so, did you determine the reason it bugged and frustrated you so much? Share it with me and my AWH puppies in comments.
Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up….
Faith, don’t give up, don’t give up. You’re about to break through. Have faith in yourself like the rest of us have in you.
Sure, I’ve been through the same things, and going through the those things now. “Will I ever be good enough” is always in the back of my mind. I have a few stories in the works, one being edited, two being written, and wonderful people helping me, but still “am I good enough?” If I don’t keep trudging forward I’ll never know.
Perigee Moon will be the one that I’ll struggle with the most. Why? So much research and it’s a new genre.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Take a deep breath and write.
Hugs
Lisa, is Perigee Moon Steampunk?
I know that is a new genre I would love to learn. I could use it in my M/M Edwardian Historical romances.
Samhain, I believe it is, has a submissions call going on right now for steampunk. I love this genre, but don’t have time to start another WIP. I gotta finish my others first, lmao!
No, it’s a Native American Historical.
Lisa, you’re always a source of support and inspiration! Thank you!
Merikano’s Fury is my pull my hair out manuscript. Only because I wrote it before learning anything here. It has so many issues, I don’t know where to begin. I’ve dubbed it the train wreck. However, I’m sure later on down the line… I’ll have another one. I recently picked it back up lol so we’ll see! Faith I’m sure you’ll do awesome. Karma should take note. I for one can’t wait to see the final result of so many years come to fruition.
Hales – your Merikano’s Fury sounds an awful lot like my fan fiction that is still on the web, being read by over 3000 readers.
I was proud when I posted them back in 2006-2008.
Now? I CRINGE when I see all the mistakes I did. I’ll never regret my time spent getting back into the swing of writing after so much tragedy in my life.
And I admit, it makes me release a sigh of relief, knowing that I am slowly, yet shurly on the corroect path of learning the proper ways of writing here at AWH.
Hales, I had one I wrote when I was about 21. I pulled it out the other day, and was so appalled by how horribly written it was, that I put it in my son’s scrap paper box to color on, lmao!
Ohhh Krissy and Dare demand to be told so I’m dragging it through the wringer to make it better. But I do have a trash pile where I have great plot but trash beginnings or started work that blows. LOL It’s amazing to see where you were. I looked at my first RPG posts and thought damn I’ve come a long way since then.
Hales
Oh, Faith, lol. Don’t know if I could have done that.
I too have that novel that goes in fits and starts. I started a wonderful science fiction novel about a year ago. I got up to Chapter 6 and BOOM! Came up against a brick wall. I have the story up to that point. I even have the ending, It’s the chapters between Chapter 7 and the end that I’m having trouble with.
So I put it away and started working on something else. *sigh* Maybe one day!
Shay
Keeping looking at it, picking at it. Something might give and the ideas could start to flow.
Don’t give up, Faith. You have all of us at AWH believing in you. Have faith in yourself too, push all that extra stuff out of your mind, and just do it.
Remember my saying? “Butt in chair,” young lady, you can finish that ms.
Janice~
Thank you, hon. Butt in chair has become body on bed by laptop, lol.
Although I am not in your league, I have a MS that has been a thorn in my side since day one. Why? I have no earthly idea. It is a good story, interesting, colorful and fun to write.
I have religiously worked on it for over a year and have only gotten as far as 5 lousy chapters. I’ve had promising, yet lazy-@ssed, worthless boyfriends more productive than my own created, slaved over and doted on story has!
I have been told by 3 critique groups the story’s very unique and they want to finish reading it.
Along those same lines, after doing a pitch and sending in a 3 chapter/synopsis partial, two editors and the Publisher of Ellora’s Cave state they love the twisted idea, my voice and style and seriously want it.
So what is my problem?
Self control and fear of success.
Self control – Since I am constantly learning, I tend to go back on what I have written and apply new things that I have learned. At this same time, the more I work on it, the more my voice and style disappears – and that worries me, as that’s the one thing standing out enough to draw the interest of editors, publishers and other authors.
I’ve been told not to worry about all the rules. If I continue to have a solid structure, a great plot, 3D characters, good description, scenes and settings, if my dialogue remains true, the hooks are there, spelling and punctuation is great – then editors will be willing to work around the few literary rules I tend to press the line with.
If I would apply self control, I’d manage to write the blasted story first, then go back to edit and revise based on what I have learned. But no. I get so anal retentive on following the rules it almost takes the fun out of writing.
As for being afraid of success – yes I am.
Death, rejection and failure no longer concern my concious. After spending years with those three words ingrained in my life, I have learned to accept them with some sort of strange, cold comfort of the fimilar.
I have been told by more than enough professionals I have a real chance of actually fulfilling a life long dream. And I have no doubt I will do it.
But what about afterwords?
What if I’m a one book wonder? What if that one glorious moment of being able to shout from my mountain top, “I DID IT!” – crumbles beneath me? Will I be satisfied with this one and only victory in my life – my ‘one so called moment to bask in the sun?’? Or will I become more withdrawn and never try anything again?
When my mind starts traveling down a path like that, I tend to stop ALL writing – anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. It’s like I sabotage myself. Then, as quick as it comes, it goes, and I start back writing again.
I don’t care for these circle jerk round robin I’m in. In real life, editors and publishers will not put up with my insecurities toward success. I need to work on riding the storm out and get the damn job done.
In the meantime, as I continue to educate myself with important craft techniques, I will strive to finish this story (which has never changed from it’s original synopsis), so when I am done, I can at least say I stayed with the program and finished the project.
There will be no would of/could of/should of I normally would be plagued with if I had given up early.
You never know unless you try, George. And my granddad always said, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I mutter that to myself a lot too, lol. However, self-control is something I think all writers struggle with. I know I do. There are times that I find other things to do instead of working on RUBY. However, I chastize myself and get to work. And even a flash in the pan can say I succeeded! Don’t give up!
I’ve had a few of “those” stories. Right now I have an MFM sitting on my hard drive that makes me want to scream, and I keep moving it down on my to-revise list because I hardly even know where to start. On the other hand, my last “augh, I can’t do this” manuscript is coming out tomorrow… So there is hope.
Good luck with Ruby, Faith. It sounds like a great story, and I can’t wait to read it!
Thanks for the kudos, Karenna!
What a wonderful blog!
It sounds EXACTLY lke my WIP, Faith. Exactly. I DO love it, I DO. And you could be right on the money about the fear of failure. I think all of us feel that fear. Especially for that manuscript we’ve been laboring over for so long, the one that’s so dear to our hearts.
You will not fail. Your work will be worth it.
Yes, those ms that are dear to our hearts are extra scary, aren’t they? A writer never wants to get a rejection on one of those.
And thank you for the support, Carol.
I agree Faith, don’t give up. It is through these frustrations and trials that we grow as writers and as individuals. This may just be the piece that get you NY! Best of wishes! I know you have the talent and abilities to finish Ruby and make it an epic read!
Margie
Thank you, Margie. I realize that about frustrations and trials, lol, but I could sure do with a lot less of those, lmao!
I have every confidence that you will tame Ruby! My own personal tear my hair out at the moment is Insolence. Started as a Wicked for Cobblestone. Got too long for that so now it’s a Tryst. All from the hero’s POV. I have the beginning. I have the ending. And I keep staring at it trying to figure out what to say in the middle aside from the obvious (lots of sex.) Oy.
Yanno, Lex, I’ve actually thought about writing the ending on RUBY and then going back to fill in the chapters between where I’m at now and the ending I’d write. I realized this morning that part of the problem is these next two scenes and how to keep them gripping and blend them into the ending. Makes my head hurt just thinking about it, lol.
God yes!!! I thought it was just me. My demon series is like this. I’ve rewritten the first story, Awaken the Demon five times. This story has pulled at me from the very moment I dreamt it yet I’m never happy with the final version so i keep changing it.
And I’m like you. I don’t have a place to write that’s private or just for me. Hard to write a good story in a room where everyone is watching TV or comes in to ask questions.
Fear of failure is a natural feeling. I have it, I’m sure plenty authors do but I’ve read your work and I know it’s only a matter of time before you’re snatched up and I can say “I knew her when.”
Maybe it’s the pressure of wanting to get to that NY pub house that is holding you back. Throw that out of your mind and just write. I find when I obsess (yes, I obsess) about pubing to bigger houses I can’t write well. I always think it’s not good enough. So I close my eyes, take a deep breath and forget my goal and just let the story flow. Then, when it’s done, I can go in and revise until my heart’s content.
Don’t give up! Don’t give up! Don’t give up!!
but I’ve read your work and I know it’s only a matter of time before you’re snatched up and I can say “I knew her when.”
Wow, that makes me feel so good, Shiela. Thank you!!!
And boy do I know all about obsession, lmao. I’m horrible about doing that too! However, my agent is a stickler for doing it right. He says relax, take your time, and just write, but when it comes to him replying to me when the ms is sent to him, he keeps me on my toes, so I’m always thinking about that phone call I know is coming and try doubly hard to impress him too, lol. It’s a vicious cycle!
Well, that would be any story I start that’s more than say 5000 , for the most part. It’s why I edit instead of write. There’s the one I started many years ago. The first one you read of mine with Samantha. That’s still languishing. And then there’s my two chapter book series. I’ve never finished them. (sigh) Let’s not forget Sandalwood and Roses, the one set in 11th c. France (it wasn’t really France then), and the erotic one set on another planet. So, take your pick. HAHAHAHA
Of course, it might make a difference if I had a bit more time. Of course, I could just be telling myself that to make myself feel better. (grin)
Erotic one on another planet, Marci??? Have I seen that one? Doesn’t ring a bell, but I think it’s neat you have one that’s sci-fi of some sort.
Oh I so can relate I just pulled open my novel for the um-tenth time and I was making progress when I notice parts missing in my novel!! I can’t find them! A half chapter missing than I go on and fix it to finally find another part missing! UGGGGG I’m ready to shut it down!
Trinity
Sounds like a corrupted file, Trin. Anyway to do a search and find the missing pieces?
Mine is a story about a jaguar. I guess the reason its giving me the fits is because it’s my first shifter novel. I have been working on it for several months and stuck at 10k. I can’t seem to get it moving past what I have so far. But I’m not giving up and as soon as I get a couple of other WIPs out of the way, I’m going to attack it full force.
I have total confidence that you will finish Ruby and I’ll have my shifter done soon!
I have a coupla shifter manuscripts in progress too. They’re fun to write. Good luck on finishing yours soon!
Yep, I have on of those. Bad Animals is a werewolf story that I don’t think I will ever finish. I finally gave up on it a month or so ago. I’ll go back to it eventually but there is something about it that drives me nuts. I’ve skipped writing all the sex scenes. I can’t even find the right name for my heroine. Everything about it is wrong. I took a break in the middle of it to right Biohazard, so I know I’m not off my game, its just that particular novel.
I’ve moved on, and love my current WIP, but it still irks me that Bad Animals is unfinished, especially because I was SOOO close. The end was in sight.
I hope you have better luck with Ruby! You can do it.
Honestly RUBY was a lot like that, Honoria. I’ve kept a lot of the original, but I’ve cut and rewritten half of it too.
I read above, Faith, that you’ve thougth of writing the end to Ruby, then going back. I have thought the very same thing with one of mine. I know the end by heart, right down to the last words.
If you do this, let us know if it is successful and if it helps sput you to finish the ‘middle’…best of luck.
Hang in there, lady!!!
Will do, Carol. Been sitting on the bed mulling over that very idea this afternoon again. I’m gonna finish this last chapter I’m revising, then make my decision on whether or not to just write the climax and ending then go back or push through in order. I’ll let you all know how it works out should I decide to go back and add the filling, lol.
Oh, I good one for you. My second vamp ms is done, except for one small, minor detail–not enough words. 17000 to be exact. I have only five days to get it done and am road blocked in a BAD way! Still, perseverance is what got me published in the first place and it will keep me and you going.
Cheers,
Wend
Yanno, I had that happen with a ms recently. I was 1K short. The trouble was that one publication who turned it down allowed for a min of 10K, but the other one I was interested had a min of 15K wc for subs. Mine was a li’l less than 14K and I was at a loss on how to add another 1K and some odd words. So, what I finally did was go back to the sex secenes and develop them a li’l more. When I was done, I’d hit the 15K and had a few words to spare.
Mine’s called The Heart of the Matter. It feels like it is Frankenstein built with Lego from different eras. I’m starting from the very beginning and trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to say with this manuscript – besides “Publish Me.”
FYP!
LOL, sometimes are muses jump from one thing to a nother no matter how much we try to control it. That’s one of the downsides to being creative, but look at it this way: if you can’t get the novel to form, you still have a lot of cool stuff to use for other novels!