We’re all looking for a Happy Ever After in one form or another, whether it’s in real life or a novel. It could be a long-time friend realizing he’s in love with you, or a rival who turns his passion on you instead of against you. It could even be someone right under your nose who you never noticed before. Any way you write it, it ends the same, with all the loose ends tied nice and tight and the hero and heroine (or any mix thereof) on their glittering road to happiness.

What no one ever talks about, though, is the Happily Never After.

True love doesn’t always find us. Sometimes we kiss a lot of frogs to end up with a big, warty toad. Selling the idea that Prince Charming will eventually wake us up from this awful dream can actually be harmful. No man will ever life up to that Tall, Dark, Handsome hero if the heroine still sees herself as a ratty spinster. As a writer, you have to build the characters, not just the romance. They must grow, adapt, and move past their insecurities. Like people, some characters aren’t ready for love, no matter how hard you try to write them into the role.

So how do you sell the dream and still root it in reality? How do you spin a story of love triumphing over all and make it an attainable goal for the reader, be they male or female?

To do so, you have to understand what’s expected of your story. I’ve been told that romance novels mainly fall into one of two categories: the Happily Ever After, and the Happily for Now. There are, of course, more possibilities, but let’s focus on these for now.

Happily Ever After: The lovers have conquered all obstacles set before them. There is nothing keeping them apart, and the reader knows in his/her heart of hearts that they will be together. Flowers bloom, birds sing, The End.

Happily for Now: There might not be wedding bells, a bouncing baby, or a ceremony on the beach, but the relationship is secure and nothing stands in the way of the lover’s happiness. The reader is secure that, if the lovers so choose, there will be a Happily Ever After.

If you do not resolve the conflicts in the relationship, you will end up with rabid romance readers out for blood. I’ve seen it and it isn’t pretty. Readers (myself included) often immerse themselves in romance novels to escape reality; they want what they don’t have. If you don’t give them that piece of fantasy, you’re cheating them and yourself as a writer.

So where does the Happily Never After come in?

As I said earlier, relationships don’t always work. Even when they seem meant to be, some obstacles are too large to overcome. Depressing though that it may be, it also presents a huge opportunity for writers. Tackle that difficult relationship. Throw everything you can at the characters, make life as complicated as possible for them and then end it. That’s right, end it. The most powerful romances are sometimes the ones that don’t work. They’re the ones we learn from, the ones that prepare us for The One. At the end of them, we’re better, stronger, and more capable of loving ourselves and someone else.

Don’t be afraid to make your romance fail. In fact, strive for it. Strive to make your characters try with all their heart and souls. They might prevail, they might not. Either way, you’ve told one hell of a story.

Sometimes the real romance is in the adventure of love, not the attainment of it. Dare to fail. See what happens.